The Opposite of Life

Ha-Ha. Life sometimes can be so real funny.

Just like me and couple of my friends. They're sharing stories about everything they had back then, or even at the most present, with their significant others. Say, their very own man. Or frankly, their boyfriends. Or just some boys that he and she are very close to.

I listened to their stories very well, sometimes feeling so enthusiastic or sometimes sad, or sometimes very mad; following what they're feeling. I placed myself on a very careful listener and a very caring friends at times like that.

But that day, yea that day, when we had again such conversation, when they shared again such discussion, I felt terrible. Terrible for myself. I couldn't hold it, then I cried.

I know I wasn't supposed to do so, that I cried in front of them who told me sweet stories about them, but I just couldn't help myself. I couldn't stop the tears from falling...

"I am sorry, really. I didn't mean anything, but I was sorry for myself. It was hurt for me. I was crying to myself..."

It's funny, just like I said, funny how life can be so opposing one to another. My girls got their stories and experiences shared about their boyfriends, while me, I got my experiences becoming this or winning that, participating this or following that.

And yes, how they're poles apart. My girls got their phone ringing or vibrating like almost of the time just to figure out that their boyfriends waiting to be replied at text message, blackberry messenger, yahoo messenger, or even sometimes, their phone rang just to be picked a call up from their lover. And my phones, oh their barely even ringing just to show me that there's somebody been looking for me.

Also how they telling me that there's someone here and someone there who are waiting in line for my girs' acceptance. While me telling them how I dreamed so damn much of having a husband from the other side of the country. Which is barely even come true. Or how I've been curious and wanted so much to be with this guy I named Cimol. Whatever.

And how I deeply got envy when my friend's boyfriend, or even a boy that pretty close to her, pick her up just after the campus is over and take her home with him. Because only a bus driver will pick me up with the rest of the passenger.

Also how I quietly crying as my friend sharing something sweet done with both of them--she and the boy--but I smile instead, and pretend like nothing happens inside me.

I have succedded being this and scoring that, organizing this and achieving that, having this and experiencing that, but I have never been there, for real and official. well this means for fake and unofficial, I have.

God, I'm tired playing MY role. can I just be somebody else?

Please?