Thursday, July 15, 2010

Fried Noodles Times Two

hello blogger! or you guys blog-reader!

oh well, you see, tonight I supposed to do something related to my Macro Economics homework but then I end up playing solitaire, putting songs on windows media player playlist, and knacking some ideas on this blog. notepad formerly actually.

"I've gone mad."

"I think I'm crazy."

those words kept on resounding in my mind. well, perhaps I just am.

seriously, I am stressed out. yesterday I finally decided to buy my favourite cigarette, Marlboro Black Menthol, after fighting with my own thoughts that I should really stop smoking. but every time I think about it, on times like these, it makes me even more eager to smoke. oh well, something just successfully done something to me. I finally spend my money on it, a lighter, and a shaver.

that evening I smoke more than usual on times when I'm "normal". I was once hated people who are smoking by the way, but now I am. how ironic. oh, oh, it's been a "senjata makan tuan" for me. does anybody knoooowwsss exactly what "senjata makan tuan" is on English? I've been so curious with this idiom.

and on that late evening, about 8 o'clock, I made a delicious Mie Sedap fried noodles. and, at the same time, I ordered bu nur *a vendor of gorengan and yes, a vendor of delicious instant noodles to anak kosan like me* to make me a portion of fried noodles with egg and veggie. so, count it! I ate two portions of fried noodles that late evening! plus one bakwan jagung, and a small plastic of kerupuk. in addition, before I was eating those two portion of fried noodles, I already ate much much much of lanting. so yess, definitely I'm mad. that evening was all about eating. (not to mention after eating jumbo like that I smoke 3 pieces of cigar again -_-")

aaaannddd what happen tonight? O yea, I'm still mad!

today, my friend actually promised me to go to Pejaten Village in the evening, after she has passed her Ujian Berkala satu for this short semester. talking about friends and short semester by the way, I feel so sorry and disappointed about my friend. well, he thought he would take it hard or uneasy or something else that would take much of his time thinking about it or working on it that may lead to lessen his time playing games he liked best (I suppose, not really sure though) or to lessen his enjoyment of this holiday. but hei boy, what about your future? you'll be even more wasting time by playing around instead of running on this thing called "Kuliah".

No offense, if you read this. this is only a suggest. never I meant to ruin your life with these thoughts, though.

okay back again, where was it? oh yes, my friend who promised me to go to Pejaten Village. in the end, she broke it. she said she was stressful and tired after the exam. oh well, I was sad, really. that's my only opportunity to let go this irritating thoughts and feelings and the wants of smoking. so I decided to go by myself to KFC Kemang.

There, I ate a package of KFC attack (rice, fried chicken, cola), a cup of brownies sundae, and a cup of cream soup. I spent approximately two hours just sitting there and enjoying wi fi. alone. I met some of my colleagues there. one of 'em asked me, "heiii fany! ngapain lo disini sendiriaan?" and I answered "nggg... terserah gue dong hahaha"

on 7 o'clock I get to my room (homestay). without further thoughts, I went to bu nur's place and order a portion of fried noodles with egg and veggie, and this time, with more chili sauce. having finished eating, I smoke two pieces.

and now, I intended to do my Macro Economics homework but I found it boring, so I opened Notepad and wrote this all. oh well, I still have tomorrow to do the homework. what a procrastinator.

I hope I wouldn't get sick after eating much of instant noodles -____-

It's a traffic jam when you're already late
It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think...

It's like rain on your wedding day

It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought ... it figures

Alanis Morissette - Ironic

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

#nowplaying Saigon Kick - I Love You

#nowplaying Saigon Kick - I Love You

*song started*

"I may not be the man I wanted to..
I may not be the king of wit..
I may not know the things you need to know..
I might not measure up quite yet.."

And there she sat, in the corner of her room, near the door that much seemed like an old wooden gate. She sat on the red welcome mat. Her eyes told much that she was sad.

"I may not have the grace of Fred Astaire..
I may not have the mind of Young..
I cannot buy the things you need to have.."

She took a piece of Marlboro Black Menthol she just bought from its box. Within the last 30 minutes that time, she already smoke 4 pieces. She just couldn't stop, she still wanted more.

"But something you can't forget..."

She dropped a tear, without she realized it.

"I love you..."

She cried while she was smoking.

"I love you..."

It was him on her mind. Him all over, nothing else, none else.

"Through the fires in all of hell..
Something I can't stop..
I love you..."

She inhaled a deep breath, exhaled it with a small cough. She definitely wasn't a type of smoker, but she enjoyed that seemingly.

"It may not seem that I care enough..
I may not take the time to say.."

What happen to her, by the way?

"But you can't leave me standing here alone.."

Oh, she was too bruised, too broken, almost impossible to heal her. That man she loved, oh she loved him so much, never really understand her feelings. She gave it all she had. But that man...

"Till you hear what I have to say.."

That man wasn't a type of a careful man. In fact, he didn't understand her at all. she loved him so much to die. She's been a really good friend, gave it all, but he never really care.

"I love you..."

And now, God has finelly revealed her the truth.

"Baby, I love you..."

She and he, were never meant to be, weren't born for each other, at least for now. God showed that to her just then.

"Through the fires in all of hell.."

Oh girl, he might not be the very best for you. You don't deserve a man like him. You'd sacrifice but he wouldn't.

"Something I can't stop..."

He's just not the man, girl.

"I love you..."

However big the love you had, he just can't pay it back for you.

"I love you..."

Wake up, girl! He's just not the one! Let's just finish all your work, all your struggle, all your deed for him!

"Baby, I love you..."

You're just too precious for him. God showed that just today!

"I love you..."

Noo, noo, don't cry! It's useless he won't see it, he won't understand it! Please, girl, don't take another piece of that thing again, PLEASE!

"I love you..."

Just promise yourself that you'll get up after this. You know you're strong enough...

"Baby, I love you..."

Baby, he's just not the one, God showed that just moments ago...

*song faded*

#nowplaying Pasto - Tanya Hati

you can listen this song, Saigon Kick titled I Love You, by clicking here: Saigon Kick - I Love You

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Dear God (Part II)

God, the only thing I would care about is him.
the only thing I would pray about is him.
the only thing I could think about is him.

will he ever realize it, God?

oh God, the most thing I could dream of is him.
the most thing I would ask for is him.
the most thing I would believe in is him.

I've never fallen so deep like this before.

I dare to say I'll do anything for him.
I dare to say I would do anything for him.
I dare to say I can do anything for him.

for God's sake, he is my air to breath.
oxygen to my lungs.
blood to my heart.
nerve for my brain.
bones to my body.

oh God, for so long I've been keeping this feeling,
seems like I just can't take it anymore.
he shall know about this.
sooner or later.

and now I'm bruised and broken.
laying my head back down.
raising my hands and pray.

he is the one successfully done this to me.

dear God,
the only thing I could give in,
the only thing makes me giving up easily,
the only reason I'm giving up now,

is him.