Monday, August 15, 2016

In Memoriam: Boy the Cat

Hi again.

Do you still remember the cat, black and white, angora, that I post a lot in this blog?

Yep, he's Boy Sitampan. The cat that I have always loved, remembered, and will always be dearly missed.

It has been 7 months since the last time I touched his fluffy fur, hug his fat belly, heard his soft meows, and saw his round yellow eyes.

Boy has gone. He's now happy up there. Yea. He told me so as he visited me once in my dream.

And how could I ever be so in love with a cat--you asked?

Because he's a very nice cat. 

You might not know it but he felt me the way I was. He was there when I cried. He put his paw to my cheek and just sat/slept next to me and let out his purrs that calmed me down. He understood me. One time when I was alone at home, I told him not to go out. He stayed. Another time when I was alone again at home and he needed to poo (he never liked to poo in the poo poo box. He always went outside), I begged him to not be long out there. Guess what, he returned exactly in no time.

Ah yea. When I was cooking in the kitchen and he always waited for me to finish cooking (before he took a food test on my cooking). When I was scared to sleep alone and I took him to my bedroom and he just rolled and slept next to me. When I called out his name and he ran to me. When I was sick and needed to have some bed rest and he had always been there. And his quick response whenever I said "susu" (milk). He just ran towards me and begged for real bowls of milk. Oh, he loved bear brand milk a lot he could finish two cans of it in a day.

He's just so special.
He's not a cat. He's a family member to me.

Boy as he curled up with me when I was sick.

The cat that demanded for milk so much.

His number one ability was to be lazy during the day and the night.

But how could I be so clueless when he was sick? He was so sick that he needed me to go home and saw him, pet him, just be with him like he had always done to me. And at that moment, I chose to be else where. I was thinking that it was for my future good. But not for his...

Mum told me as I was home that Boy meowed a lot as if he looked for me. He waited before the door, hoped that I would open the door and pour some milk to his bowl. I bet he expected me to give him food with my hand, he always liked that. He wanted me to see me, before he finally....


Percaya deh, kakak kangen banget sama Boy.
Kepengen lagi main sama Boy.
Mandiin Boy. Elus elus Boy. Suapin Boy.
Boy. Boyot. Boyopi. Boyoyo.
Apapun nama yang kakak panggil buat kamu,
Artinya cuma satu, Boy.
Kakak sayang sama Boyot.
Boy bukan kucing, Boy itu keluarga.

Terima kasih atas segalanya.
Maafin kakak ngga bisa ngeliat Boy.
Kita ketemu lagi ya Boy.
Nanti, di surganya Allah.

Things Will Never Be The Same Again

It has been quite a long time for me to catch up on things and write again. I have been fed up with many things, they said that this is adulthood--facing something real. Like paying the credit card bills, paying your own rent, buying your own meals, working your a** off in order to pay the bills, the rent, and the food.

Well... the thing is, since May 2016 things won't be the same again. I am engaged. To a man who rarely ever be romantic to me. To a man who has never given me a damn real rose. To a man I have been dating with for the past three years.

My Dear God,
Make my choice is Your choice too.

It's been quite a while. Me and him had so much to go through until we finally ended up engaged. It wasn't full of happy moment with cheers and laugh. It wasn't all that sad cry-baby moments as well. We've gone through it. We made it. Until what we are now.

I admit it that he only does romantic at the very first of our date. I know that he never buys me single lovely red rose that every girl wishes and would keep until the petals are dried. I asked for a rose. Yet he has never intended to buy it for me, I think. He also barely ever holds my hand in public. No such thing is public displayed affection in his dictionary while he dates me. He didn't surprise me on my birthdays, he never gives me a cute-wrapped gifts to impress me. He doesn't call me love, or honey, or baby, or sweety, or any other sweet calls to bae.

I thought I needed those.

I thought I needed a rose, I thought I needed gifts wrapped with pink ribbons.

I never thought I would ever be needed his guidance. Moreover, his acceptance---

--of me. His acceptance of me. Me being me. I being who I am.

How could I ever be so selfish that after all this time I didn't realise what he has given me...?

He doesn't give me rose. But he pays meal for two. He doesn't give me cute-wrapped present in pink ribbon. He helped me to buy something I really want, instead. He doesn't do romance, but he thinks so much of my safety. He said I must not go home late. Girls aren't made to out at night, he said. Or that time when he visited me only to fix my motorcycle issues. That moment when he said my suit wasn't right for me, boys will think of me the other way if I had been in that suit. And when he was mad when I told him that I argued with some boys on the way home just because they didn't drive well. He was afraid if something ever happened to me. I mean, they were boys, and I'm just a girl.

Yes, he doesn't allow me to post something like all cute couples do on instagram, twitter, path, or any other social medias--you name it. "But why?" I asked him more than once. "Adults are not the way you think of. There are more real things to think of. Meaning, there are thing that is OK to share with people and there are things otherwise. And affection are for ourselves, nor for the world to watch.", he told me.

I asked him for surprises like lots of time. He never did give me once. But he has always been the number one person who wish on my birthdays. He would text me like every time to assure that I am getting well if I'm sick. He would text my mum to pick me up in kost (we live apart, Jakarta vs Tangerang) and take me to the hospital if I happen to be very sick and alone. He buys me some healthy drinks, only to make me feel better and warm...

Oh, how I have been busy with myself all along. I have been being a very demanding girlfriend so far. Yet he still can accept me.

Yes he does.

All those anger, all those don'ts, are for me. So I keep myself safe from any harm.

And I have never really thought of that.

My Dear God,
Bless us with Your love and cares.
Make us always falls in love over and over again. 
From now on, until our marriage.
From our marriage, until forever.
From forever, until You set us together again in Jannah.