Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Letter to Mum and Dad

Dear lovable Mum and Dad,

Your first and only daughter has now no longer your little daughter.

Now she knows how to earn money. She's still in her learning process, but trust her, she will be able to live herself to the fullest in another year. And it all thanks a lot to you, Mum and Dad, you made her through phases of her life.

Mum, Dad,

Even though she lives far from you now, deep in heart there's always a picture of you both. Deep in her thoughts she keeps on thinking how to make your life happy. Especially you, Mum. She always wants her mum to be happier than she has ever been.


Your daughter often think that she would be independently independent. But you already knew, right? You already knew whom she will call if she gets into a situation. Your prayer will always be with your independent daughter. Mum, she knows it, she won't be ever independent. Cos she always depends on your prayer. Mum, she knows it. You will always pray for her.


This little daughter of yours, who used to always rub your rough elbow (this is the weird thing you love about her, isn't it? That she loves rubbing elbow, especially yours, just like a child who can't sleep without her favourite doll), well... no, she's not rubbing other man's elbow yet, no. But you know what, she's been trying to find a man who would like to give his rough elbow for her to rub. Just like what you did when she was a child, Dad.

Mum and Dad,

She realizes that you would do anything to help her with anything. You would help her to reach her dream job being a banker, though she turns up being a tutor. She also knows about how you don't really like her being a tutor. Well don't worry. She won't be a tutor for that long. She'll be a banker later on.


Your daughter has made you as her favourite woman ever in the world.

Mum, Dad,

Your daughter loves you.

Your Daughter,

Sunday, November 11, 2012

I wasn't Cinderella and He wasn't the Prince Either.

Actually, I have this situation that I really wanted to write post here. Somehow it was always hard to find the match between my mood and the right moment that I'll be sitting in front of PC or laptop and let these thoughts translated into paragraphs. So now's the right time, here we go then!

Have you ever imagined--or maybe experienced--a movie scene that would happen to you in reality? A movie scene that takes place in a party or a gala dinner, for example. There, the main actress meets the main actor, they say hi eventually, chat a little bit of cheesy chit chat, then look at each other from a distance even in the same place. When the party is over, they figure out that they don't know each other's names yet, so they will eventually introduce themselves in a unique way. Have you? Cause I have.

I met this man one day in an international event held in Jakarta couple months ago. He lived in Jakarta but he studied somewhere out Jakarta. He was the guest committee of the event. The first place we met actually was in an outdoor occasion from the same event. He wasn't a cute guy or something. But he was funny; he made lots of jokes. We didn't introduce ourselves pretty well that day. He perhaps would forgotten my name since he met lots of new people--especially girls that are way cuter than me--so it was really okay for me if he might forget or something.

After the outdoor occasion, we had this gala dinner at a restaurant. There, we met again. I was there with two of my guy friends too as I saw him on the escalator, went down, while I and my friends were about to go upstairs. I didn't know for sure but I think he was stunned seeing me. LOL. Yea, sure we said hi. He was a friendly guy, you gotta know that.

During the Gala Dinner, we weren't actually talking to each other that much. We sure smiled but it was just a simple small which was hard to notice. At some awkward moments I found myself looking for his presence, and would look away whenever I found him glancing at me. I would be embarrassed, and perhaps would strengthen the pink sheer colour on my cheek, as I did the stuff. The stuff of looking for his presence and the look-away-quickly as he glanced at me.

After two hours, the Gala Dinner finally wrapped up. I was thinking that I could be the Cinderella and leaving my heel shoe away and he might be the Prince Charming realising my shoe was left and he eventually would bring that to me again some days later. But I wasn't Cinderella and he wasn't the Prince either. And if I did leave my shoe away, what would I wear, then? Moreover, people would look at me as if I was a clown or something weird and pathetic. And he wouldn't take my shoe and find the girl who fit in it. AND if he did, though, mine was 39 and many girls would fit 39. Logically, leaving my shoe, like Cinderella did, is not an intellectual act.

But I did leave something. And it was my name.

"Going home now?" He said as I walked to the front door.
"Yea, the show's over and it's already night. Everybody needs a rest," I said, and smiled.
"You don't want a picture with me?"
"Hahaha, what for? It wouldn't favoured me that much. Perhaps it's YOU want a picture with me?"
"Hahaha naah, it's YOU." He said.

We had a little bit of awkward seconds until somebody I knew was walking to me and I said hi to him, and had a small talks with him. He, this funny and friendly man (let's name him with the letter P), still beside me waiting for me and my acquaintance finished talking.

"Hey umm... are you on Facebook?" P asked.
"Everybody's on Facebook, I suppose." and giggled.
"So umm... please? Your name?"
"You forgot???" I asked, falsely. I mean, I already knew he'd forget.
"No, no, no I don't. I just need your full name so I can find you on Facebook, hehe." I have no idea if this was true but, I didn't care. I can already guessed.
"So what's my name?" I kinda forced him.

And a friend came to me again. Oh man, THAT was obviously a situation I wish nobody would be an intruder or something! Can't they see the privacy atmosphere there?! Geez. Anyway. While I talked to my friend, P took my Certificate of Participation that was held on my hand. He grab his phone (unfortunately it wasn't a blackberry. If it had been a BB, he'd have asked me my pin, not my Facebook name. Mehehe) and typed my full name as printed on the certificate.

"What are you doing?" I asked him as I finished talking to my intruder-friend.
"Typing down your name so I can find you on Facebook and add you," he said, handed me my certificate back, and smiled happily, "as a friend."
I smiled back.
"Diofany Hervilita," he mentioned my name. "nice name."
I giggled. "Thank you. Add me on Facebook."
"Oh sure. Yea, of course."
"So umm... I'm going home now. My friends there waiting for me," I was intended to point at my two guys but it was only one who could be seen from our standing angle.
"You're with him?"
"Them, actually. They're my junior at campus. They're participating too, with me."
"Oh. OK." he smiled. "Take care, then!"
I nodded. "Bye."
He rose his hand and gave me an air high-five plus a big smile.

On the way home I kept on reminiscing what was just happened in that recent hours. Now it's months away and I haven't had any hearing from him. But that remarkable situation, well, it finally has its point: a story. A memory. A blog post (yea, of course, come up last eventually).

Don't hide it. We live in God's scenario and we live it in dramatical way. There are dramas that we made, conciously or unconciously. Those who said hate the living drama, really got to live.

I love this little drama we had :)

hey I just met you
and this is crazy
but here's my full name
so add me maybe

Friday, November 02, 2012

Fascinating is Talking About...


I'll tell you more about it.

According to the Oxford Pocket Dictionary, I found out that trauma (n) is an emotional shock producing a lasting harmful effect. A small example of trauma, say... umm... suppose you went to a place by plane and you got some air crash and therefore had made you afraid of taking another air transprotation since then. You kinda have that feeling of scared that the same tragedy will eventually happened to you again. In order to avoid that, you would reject anything--ANYTHING--related to a plane trip.

It will probably the same, I think, if... you know... if I happen to have this tragedy some times ago, and that I will be scared of having the same elements on me again in some times later. Okay, enough with this merry-go-round talks. I'll just get to the point.

I had this bitter mishap a year earlier, actually. There was when I got dumped (yup, you read that correctly. Me, got dumped) by a... umm how should I say this guy... well I'll just say that I got dumped by this guy I had already known like couple months. We weren't actually dating but, I  could say that we were so close to each other and we shared something. I even trust my very sad secret to him.

We got along very well. There wasn't a day we didn't spend talking, even if we barely even met. He helped me a lot. Helped me on things I need. Helped me on my big project, even he could help me on small things by simply listening to every guts I had. And calmed me down. He flew me to the top with every little emotional words, surprises, acts...

See who's reminiscing about the past now *pointing at myself*

And then there was this shock that I found out something unbearable about him. It's him and her. Yeaaaahhhh. You got what I mean. Days before I figured out this trouble, I came through a phase where all those normal turned to be something awkward. Thank God for this premonition gifted to me and some clues, I figured it out. Hahaha, yea, tell me nothing about how I felt miserable that time.

So this is it. This is what I called as trauma. I never had any trauma on anything but this. I know the pain, I feel the ache, I taste the sour. I just can't go through it anymore no matter what. I can't deal with it.

That is why when I had this bad premonition about you, Sir, and that God gave me clues on you, and I found this new-girl stuff... her name, her face, her study major... I knew. I just knew and I can't deal with it. I know, I am sure I know, about how I've been acting stink (like sour milk all on the floor, it's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator, maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold~*) to you and that you think that I misunderstand about all of these but I am sure I'm not. I didn't mean to scare you with my 'roars' but... sigh... I couldn't help myself on this, dude.

You had been acting awkward and weird days before I really realised this. And still, without any talks from you, I already knew. I got dumped again.

I cannot be hurt by the old school tragedy like this. I'd rather quit and let you think about anything you wanna think about my behaviour that crosses your mind. I don't wanna be hurt anymore, okay. I cannot be hurt again. And since we haven't met yet, I just don't want you to be the one breaks my heart even more than this. I mean, you broke it. I just... can't get it even worse.

I know I'm escaping things I should face. But I'm doing this to rescue myself. Probably to rescue your new sparkling relationship with her. Don't worry dude, I'll get used to it. :)

And if I ever be mistaken on this prejudice, please don't be scared telling me the truth. I won't bite you. And I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed. Again.

Cos I ain't that bubble gum.

James Morrison featuring Nelly Furtado - Broken Strings

*Lyrics taken by Gwen Stefani's Sweet Escape