I'll tell you more about it.
According to the Oxford Pocket Dictionary, I found out that trauma (n) is an emotional shock producing a lasting harmful effect. A small example of trauma, say... umm... suppose you went to a place by plane and you got some air crash and therefore had made you afraid of taking another air transprotation since then. You kinda have that feeling of scared that the same tragedy will eventually happened to you again. In order to avoid that, you would reject anything--ANYTHING--related to a plane trip.
It will probably the same, I think, if... you know... if I happen to have this tragedy some times ago, and that I will be scared of having the same elements on me again in some times later. Okay, enough with this merry-go-round talks. I'll just get to the point.
I had this bitter mishap a year earlier, actually. There was when I got dumped (yup, you read that correctly. Me, got dumped) by a... umm how should I say this guy... well I'll just say that I got dumped by this guy I had already known like couple months. We weren't actually dating but, I could say that we were so close to each other and we shared something. I even trust my very sad secret to him.
We got along very well. There wasn't a day we didn't spend talking, even if we barely even met. He helped me a lot. Helped me on things I need. Helped me on my big project, even he could help me on small things by simply listening to every guts I had. And calmed me down. He flew me to the top with every little emotional words, surprises, acts...
See who's reminiscing about the past now *pointing at myself*
And then there was this shock that I found out something unbearable about him. It's him and her. Yeaaaahhhh. You got what I mean. Days before I figured out this trouble, I came through a phase where all those normal turned to be something awkward. Thank God for this premonition gifted to me and some clues, I figured it out. Hahaha, yea, tell me nothing about how I felt miserable that time.
So this is it. This is what I called as trauma. I never had any trauma on anything but this. I know the pain, I feel the ache, I taste the sour. I just can't go through it anymore no matter what. I can't deal with it.
That is why when I had this bad premonition about you, Sir, and that God gave me clues on you, and I found this new-girl stuff... her name, her face, her study major... I knew. I just knew and I can't deal with it. I know, I am sure I know, about how I've been acting stink (like sour milk all on the floor, it's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator, maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold~*) to you and that you think that I misunderstand about all of these but I am sure I'm not. I didn't mean to scare you with my 'roars' but... sigh... I couldn't help myself on this, dude.
You had been acting awkward and weird days before I really realised this. And still, without any talks from you, I already knew. I got dumped again.
I cannot be hurt by the old school tragedy like this. I'd rather quit and let you think about anything you wanna think about my behaviour that crosses your mind. I don't wanna be hurt anymore, okay. I cannot be hurt again. And since we haven't met yet, I just don't want you to be the one breaks my heart even more than this. I mean, you broke it. I just... can't get it even worse.
I know I'm escaping things I should face. But I'm doing this to rescue myself. Probably to rescue your new sparkling relationship with her. Don't worry dude, I'll get used to it. :)
And if I ever be mistaken on this prejudice, please don't be scared telling me the truth. I won't bite you. And I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed. Again.
Cos I ain't that bubble gum.
James Morrison featuring Nelly Furtado - Broken Strings
1 comment:
You can't play on broken strings, you can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel hehe i love this song too :))
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