Pretty Little Denials

"I'm so good pretending since I was little girl. Now I want something real." -Royal Pains 3

So how does it feel when you have to live in your own denials?

When you thought you're pretty much able handling everything alone by yourself but deep inside your head you are screaming for a help?

Or when you thought you will run a night smiling before your PC and writing about happy moments you had but it turns out blue knowing that you have a shattered heart?

When you feel like dancing to a very good song but you knew exactly what your ears want to listen to: a slow sad songs for a company.

And as you laugh with somebody else and you think you're happy with that--but no. You actually want to laugh with the person you want to see the laughter.

It is when you say you miss that person, you silently sing his favourite song, reminiscing what you had, and you never speak to him until you think you can handle it no more.

And every little things you have in mind, though he's with you most of the day, though you have a very good relationship, though you share special stories... even every little thing just remind you of him and although you mention his name in most of your prayers...

But you won't admit until you don't know when, that you actually.......

You actually love him.