Kalo Boleh Bercanda

Kalo boleh bercanda,

Tuhan pasti sedang geleng-geleng kepala ngeliat kelakuan gue. Mungkin Ybs lagi ngejitak gue saking keras kepalanya gue. Mungin Dia lagi ngedumel, "ni bocah udah Gue kasitauin ntar aja (atau gak bisa, atau bukan dia), masiiihh aja nangis nangis mewek minta mulu".

Yah, mungkin aja. Kalo boleh bercanda.

Dan kalo boleh bercanda,

Mungkin malaikat capek nulis di bukunya tentang nama yang gue sebut sebut mulu. Mungkin tadi pas gue berdoa dia nulis sambil ngebatin, "ah elah. Lu lagi lu lagi nama yang ni bocah sebut".

Kali aja sih. Kalo boleh bercanda.

Tapi mau gimana lagi. Gue sendiri bingung. Mau pasrah gitu aja tapi kok gimanaaa gitu rasanya. Soalnya Tuhan pernah janji katanya kalo minta sama Dia, akan dikabulin. Terus, doa itu bisa ngubah takdir. Jadilah gue dengan keras kepala dan keinginan gue berdoa dan minta mulu sama Tuhan.

Perjalanan emang panjang banget. Gak mulus. Banyak kerikil, jalan rusak, polisi tidur. Tapi itu semua gue jalanin. Terus jalanin. Walau kadang mikir, apa ini semua setimpal dengan apa yang bakal gue dapet di kemudian hari. Hmm. Dibilang gambling ya bukan, tapi dibilang bukan hasilnya ngga pasti juga. And at this point I am so afraid if the result would be anything disappointed.

Kalo boleh bercanda,

Tuhan mungkin lagi senyum senyum nantangin gue, apa gue bisa bertahan dalam perjalanan ini. Apa gue bisa tahan banting untuk sesuatu yang gue idamkan. Untuk menuju ke ujung terowongan dimana ada balon balon, pelangi, dan tulisan di awan yang bilang "Congratulations for passing the test!".

Kalo emang beneran,

Yaudah, gue ambil tantangan itu.
Tuhan pasti akan ngedengerin dan nepatin janjiNya, mengabulkan doa gue.

Kali ini bukan bercanda, karena gue yakin, Allah akan mengabulkan doa dan permohonan gue--if I try a lil bit harder. Which I will.

Why It's You?

Don't ask me why on earth I have loved you all my heart. I just knew it right when we were young and knew each other for the very first time. There ia something in you I realised that if I don't be with you I could suffer.

And even though I hate it when you're being angry too much, but I know you hate me every time I get jealous too much. I think that's quite a deal.

I don't care what people told you about you stuffed chubby cheeks cos I looovvveeee it so much. They look good on you and you have that kind of thing I can pinch for fun! ;D

I wish to God you could always stand by me, treat me well like I should, be a good company on my rough days, and carry me with you wherever you will go.

SHIFT.

It's quite some times I haven't been in touch with this random-thoughts-to-post on such blog. Work loads and everything apparently have successfully killed my leisure time (including time to write). My job now as a Commercial Loan Relationship Manager ruined my expectation of how working in a bank should be. Oh well, since I have officially sold my young-wild-free life to this bank, then I really need to work this a$$ off of 24 hours 7 days a week without any excuses. Like, SERIOUSLY.

Anyway, I don't wanna put my mood down cos I wanna write some other big deal that can shift my life besides working.

Yeaaaaaa, you knooowwww... you guys know me soo weeeelllll....

Next January will be our third year. I have known this guy like forever. We've overcome times of the hardest, the most jealousy days. There was time when he gave me so much love that I was overwhelmed; nevertheless there was also time when he act so cold - I froze!

Yet, the rockiest part of our journey hasn't begun.

I believe there's gonna be a miraculous day that he with all his family pay a visit to my house - meet my parents, brothers, and my cats. It would not only be a casual family meeting but it will be extraordinary for my family (his had already done such family meeting four times for his elder brothers) for this one's gonna be my family's first time.

Ah, I can't wait to see what happens next... Will that be like those girls' post on social medias? Will I be overwhelmed by Allah's blessings? How it feels like? What would I do after that? What dress should I wear on the D day? Who should I invite? Is that okay to spread the word? When will the D day be? So many many many things hang on my mind even though the day's not yet to come.

Despite all that stuff, I wish to Allah he wont get distracted anymore. This is for our own sake, for everything we've gone through. For every reason we hang on to, and every struggle we beat.

I'm just ready for another shift in my life!

Dear Allah,

I have been so alone, please don't make me do a night without anyone by my side.

Let him be the one for me.

Let me be the only one for him.

And never have I lost my faith in You, Gusti Allah.

tomorrow.

..

Oh I love you.
For every sentimental reason.

Your laugh. Your smile. Your cares. Your eyes. Your lips. Your warmth.

Even when you're angry, I would still love you.

I love you enough to let you go.

I wouldn't have enough guts to make you stay for nothing with me.
It would cause me tears but I'm used to cry alone at night.
It would cause my heart so much ache but it'll eventually be cured seeing you laugh happily.

I love you. I do.

And it's enough to let you walk away.

Take good care, darling.
Thank you so much for the effort.
Forgive me.

Tomorrow, you'll be seeing me for the last time.

I love you, mas.

I really do.

Share a Little Share

Hi. Been a long while ya since the last time I posted a post. Kinda miss writing tho. Err, blogging, literally. And this time, I would like to share my newly-built career path.

Here it goes.

It all started when I was officially hired by an educational institution: Wall Street Institute -- which has already changed its name into Wall Street English -- as a Personal Tutor (PT). It is a school of English, and yes, as my job title was Personal Tutor, so I taught students starting from high school teens up to adults. I met unstable, moody kind of teens; charming uni student of Industrial Engineering (uuu~ I was so mesmerized by this person hehe); busy managers of well-known companies; one rempong housewife; and grandpas who always came with their grandchildren.

It was fun, and teaching was one of my favourite thing to do. Being a PT had marked one thing on my check list. I had a dream back then when I was so young, to be a teacher. I have been, then. It was a great one.

And talking about my PT fellas, there were Arien (married recently. When's mine? Duh), Ephil (who lived in Mexico for certain years and now works in Mexican Embassy), Oso (was -- or is still? hmm -- an artist of duo 'Duette'), Azis, Cenmi (whose full name is Cenmidtal, an abbreviation of Central Middlesex Hospital, a hospital in England where he was born), Dini (a cafe singer. Published her first indie album last year), and Tiffany (now still a PT for Alam Sutera branch). There were also ECs or Educational Consultants that I friends with, and of course the bule. Hehe.

Dean Rogers - Me - Tessa Frenche

Haifa - Arien - Me - David Rhys - Tanti - Azis on WSI Award Night

I was nominated as Favourite PT :'>

Great karaoke time together

Oso's birthday blast

After Christmas Celebration Night

Cos my job's got me goin nowhere so I aint got a thing to lose~

Take me to a place where I don't care

This is me and my liquor store blues~

Bruno Mars - Liquor Store Blues

Knowing that I had much fun there being a PT, but there was this goal that I pursued so much: be a banker. Yup, I was really longing  to be a banker. I resigned on February 2013, went to Yogya, visiting you-know-who for a month, got back to Bekasi on April and applied in Coca Cola Amatil Indonesia as Employee Settlement Officer, Finance Department.

There in CCAI was more serious than one I had in Wall Street Institute as my very first jumping stone. Both my director and manager were Australian bule, tho my supervisor was Indonesian. I was still urged to use English both when I talk directly or when I write emails to the bule. However, I found an interest in CCAI since I was paid big enough and its working culture was clicked to mine. Very free, yet still discipline. Everything was scored by performance. People there wouldn't mind how you dress or what make ups you're wearing. Or even what time would you get in the office and checked out as long as you have finished daily tasks. What they mind mostly was your highly accepted performance. That, I agreed.

CCAI has brought me to these people. Most of them are 2-3 years older than me and they shared mostly about their husband and other housewifery thingy. Just like my big sisters, that was what they meant to me.

Just  a moment to capture

Then I moved on from CCAI to where I work now. It's a bank, a government bank. Even -- frankly speaking -- CCAI changed the way I have always wanted to be a banker, but I had wanted it so much, and then I got the chance. That was when I joined BUMN Career Days, dropped cv reluctantly and attended the first interview held there, somehow brought me to what I am now. An ODP Batch 121 member who is undergoing my In Service Training as a Relationship Manager -- which I avoid so much!!! But I guess it's true that when you avoid something so much somehow you'll be dragged into that something you hate -- in SKC Melawai Raya.

Tell ya, being in ODP 121 family was is great. Ups and downs, laughter and cries, friends or lover, and everything all in. Can't describe much about this special thing, can only feel it with the heart. Heheh.

They're now spread out in Indonesia. One Padang, Batam, Jambi, Medan, Palembang, Lampung, ten people (including me) are in Jakarta, another one in Kupang, Samarinda, and Pare Pare. I'm sure we'll see again sooner than soon!

(hayooo... been waiting for the photos with your face in it yaaaa hahahaha :p)

Along with Pak Raswan, our homeroom

With Bu Selvy Monalisa, a lecturer in UI with her uniqueness

Grup Akar Wangi

Yogyakarta all-in-a-day trip goers

Mendadak shopping

Dim Sum freaks, haha

Thank you for your every effort to deal with all I am.