Just Another Story

loving you secretly might be so wrong.
but i cant take it.
i just love you--and that's it.

i got confused. YOU are confusing.
i just know that keeping a secret--my very own secret--is so damn hard.

something secret should be kept silent.

but i cant take it.
maybe you should know that i am thinkin of you each and every time.
you've come to my sences.
how can i ever be freed of you?


I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

if you're not the one - daniel bedingfield


i am so naive.
i want you. i need you. but i keep telling myself that i dont need you. i lied. i lied to everyone even to myself.

cos im too afraid of falling down.
every love i know is only about pain and falling down.
pain.
hurt.

ive hurt so much.

i know it's not right--loving you. i guess i should do what i should do--stop thinking of you. but i could fall in love with you. secretly.

i cried once, knowing that i love you and knowing that i'll be hurt again. that is why i keep on lying, deceiving. maybe if i lie to myself i wouldnt get hurt. maybe if i lie to myself the feeling will go away.


Fall in love, then it ends
I swear: This will be my last heartbreak
Even the cherry blossom trees shaking in the wind,
Will bloom one day soon.

The sudden summer rain,
Passed by my tears in a quiet stream
A scene so like one from my memories
A summer re-run of a fall drama.

Why do I keep getting done in by the same punch,
And yet still continue to fight?
That's one of life's little mysteries.

sakura drops (english version) - utada hikaru


it's true, i am that somebody, i am somewhere you dont know. and i am thinking of you...

God, please tell me what i should do best.

Dedicated to My Beloved Sister EVER!

the very first time i heard my sister is marrying THAT man, i was like 'my sister is taken away from me...'

anyways--i dont have a sister, i know. she's only my cousin. so what? gak perlu ada embel embel sepupu buat seorang kakak. i love her like my very own sister. wait, she IS my sister. beloved. ever.

i do remember all the silly things that we did. all the intimate time between sisterhood... kita emang ga bisa jalan jalan sebebas dulu lagi. ato nelfon curhatan sampe malem. hanya karena kakak gw udah punya suami.

but i realised then, my sister is still there for me. she is still my sister. i still love her, and always be...


26 Oktober 2009

hari yang menegangkan. bukan cuma buat gue, tapi pasti juga buat kakak gue. hari itu, gue harus merelakan kakak gue tersayang hidup bersama orang lain. yang mana, dalam pengertian gue, kakak gue gak sebebas dulu lagi. gue gak bisa seenaknya nelfon dia lama lama, curhat tentang macem macem dan ngebanyol bersama...

kakakku menikah hari itu.


AKAD NIKAH

i was about to cry, that time--the ijap kabul time, but in the same time i was happy to know that finally my sister got her man. the man was sitting next to her.

she was beautiful. so beautiful than ever.

i prayed a lot at that time. supaya calon kakak ipar gua bisa lancar ngucapin ijap kabulnya. dan.. alhamdulillah, SAH. udah HALAL sekarang. hahahaaa

im speechless im spellbound. i have nothing more to say but,
'ka egha selamat yaaaaaa..... love you kaaaa.....'

RESEPSI

kakak gua... sumpah cantik banget...

after the ijapkabul been done, the party was started at 7 pm. i have no other job but: EAT and do something like......

HAPPY NU YIRR!

DESA.

gak pernah mimpi gue, kalo suatu hari nanti gw bakal punya rumah di desa.
tapi nyatanya sekarang, dengan bokap gw yang lagi ditugaSin ke Serang, ahirnya dia beli rumah baru di sebuah desa, bernama Desa Sepang.

papa: 'sebentar lagi kita nyampe di Tokyo, nih'
mama, ade gw, gw: ?????
papa: 'Sepang kan ibukotanya Tokyo,'
gw: 'JEPANG kali paah! grrrrrrr'

haaa~

emang sih rumah gw ga berada di desa persis, tapi di komplek perumahan yang dibangun di tengah tengah desa. udaranya bagus, bersiiiiihhh banget. tapi yaaa, namanya juga di desa, penduduk yang pada punya kebo sama kambing dilepas gitu aja peliharaannya, sampe sampe dia masuk ke komplek perumahan gw. sampe sampe...

gw: niat belajar. buka buku bisnis chapter 17. tibatiba...

MBEEEEEKKKKKK

gw: ignore. lanjut baca buku. tapi...

MBEEEEKKKKKK MBEEEEKKKKK

gw: ngintip ke jendela. ada dua kambing. still, ignore it. lanjut baca buku sampe...

MBEEEEEEEKKKK MBEEEEKKK MBEEEEEKKKKK

gw: AMPUN DEH TU KAMBING TAU GAK SIH GUE LAGI NIAT???!!

MBEEEEEKKKKKKKK

gw: ngintip ke jendela. tiga kambing masuk ke garasi rumah.
gw: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

ya yaa.. begitulah desa.

warnet jauh, koneksi 3G non available, koneksi payah~
malahan, yang dinamain MALL sama orang Serang tuh ya PIJAY nya jakarta! mamam tuh mall!


NIAT BELAJAR, TAPIII....

gue sadar tanggal 5 Januari nanti, begitu masuk itu langsung UAS. gue juga bawa buku *cieh, tumben* Akuntansi, Ekonomi Mikro, Bisnis, Matek. tapi, dengan alasan kambing yang selalu mengembek *padahal sih gak berisik berisik banget--kecuali dia pada masuk garasi yang belom dipagerin* atau apalah. pokoknya ada aja deh alasan gw buat gak belajar.

i know im gonna feel sorry for this. sigh


EVEN BILLY GOT A GIRLFRIEND!

Raden Mas Billy, kucing gw, gw ajak berlibur ke Serang. sedikit repot sih bawa dia. tapiii, cukup bikin gw betah disana.

suatu malam Billy gak pulang. gw takut dia kenapa napa. namanya juga lingkungan baru buat dia. besoknya ahirnya gw cari dia keliling komplek.

capek capek gw cariii, ternyata dia malah lagi enak-enakan sama ceweknya! *dasar pejantan* tapi gw bisa bilang ceweknya Billy itu cakep, bersih lah. warnanya putih-krem gitu. gw namain aja dia BERTA WATI.

haa, papa. ckck, no comment lah...


BORING NU YIRR EVE

dalam suatu percakapan sms...

didi: fan, kpn mw bljr brg lg?
fany: kan kmrn udah. lo ga dtg knp hayooo?
didi: o, cm sekali doank bljrnya. kmrn gw ga bsa, ada acr kel. ah payah nh
fany: paling abis taunbaruan di. dmn lo taunbaru?
did: yauda kbrin. gw d crown..

di crown? waaah, it must be a magnificent holiday.

taun baruan di desa was just like an ordinary nights for me. sprint film di tv, masak, maen laptop, nyariin kucing, duduk duduk, tiduran, bosen, bosen, dan booooooseeennn...

it was a silent new year. please consider that it was a village. only a few children came out and play around while they blewing at such a horn. but however, bunyi jangkrik lebih indah menggema daripada bunyi terompet. ahirnya gw begadang sampe jam 4 cuma nontonin the da vinci code sampe abis.

tapi Alhamdulillah, gw bukan korban Gaza, yang gak bisa rayain taun baru dengan tenang. Alhamdulillah, Allah masih beri gw chance to live. padahal gw nista. padahal gw penyakitan. Alhamdulillah...


well, just some story then. obat rindu nulis blog. udah cukup lama juga gak ngepost.

HAPPY NU YIRR!!!
dont go with your past, your future awaits.

No One Would Fall For Such a Stupidity

gw pernah mengalami kejadian bodoh--sangat bodoh, awfully stupid. gini ceritanya......


the first story is about The BP Tragedy

temanku, sahabatku tersayang bernama Anastasia Primasari Widyastuti *tambahin: Utami Dewi Sekar Sari Ceria Sepanjang Hari. nama lo panjang amat sih prim* menelfonku untuk sekedar curhat. ahirnya, kita memutuskan untuk bertemu di BP, hari Rabu, jam 2 setelah gw balik dari kampus. untung hari itu gak ada kuliah TBI--The British Institute, jadi gw bisa pulang cepet.

*mulai dari sini, BP gw dan BP Prima akan berbeda warna*

prima: yaudah yuk ketemuan aja, sekalian nyari kado buat dinda. sekalian lo bisa curhat juga kan fan
gw: oh ayo ayo! kapan prim?
prima: gw sih bisa aja minggu minggu ini. gw kan abis UTS jadi belom ada kuliah
gw: hmm tapi gw gak bisa besok, gw masi ada ujian Matek. Rabu gimana? eh tapi bentar deh, gw ambil jadwal TBI gw dulu *anak IBS pasti ngerti*
gw: Rabu ya prim? bisa gak? TBI gue baru mulai minggu depan, jadi bisa nih.
prima: oh yaudah, jam berapa fan?
gw: ya abis gw selesai kuliah lah. hmm... kira kira jam 2an, bisa?
prima: oh oke oke. mau dimana?
gw: BP aja yuk Prim, deket sama kampus gue.
prima: oh BP?! yaudah, deket juga tuh sama rumah gue!

BP oh BP...

sampe sampe di BP--setelah mengalami perjalanan panjang dengan kendaraan berwarna merah yang doyan buang gas, lelet, namun paling dinanti dan diminati sepanjang masa, ditambah mogok mogok 3x seperjalanan ke BP, ditambah lagi gue adu bacot sama sopirnya gara gara dari kemang ke BP aja mahal *bener bener gak elit deh berantem gue--ahirnya gue nyampe juga di BP.

begitu gw melangkah masuk, gw langsung nelfon prima,
gw: prim, dimana prim? gue udah nyampe nih
prima: gue lagi di gramed fan, lo dimana?
gw: *gramed? weird, pretty weird. havent seen any gramedia store in BP*
gw: gw baru aja masuk prim, gw deket Ring Master. lo dimana? Gramed? gunung agung kali?
prima: gunung agung? orang gw di Gramed kok! lo dimana?
gw: *HAH?????*
gw: di lobby, lobby. lo di lantai berapa sih? gramedia itu di lantai berapa sih?
prima: ooh, gw di lantai satu. yaudah gw tunggu lo di J.Co aja ya fan
gw: *J.Co???? di BP kaannn................*
gw: prim prim, lo lagi dimana sih? lo lagi di BP kan BLOK M PLAZA???
prima: HAH? *sounds triple surprise*
prima: gw di BINTARO PLAZA fan!!
gw: WHAT THE------- *langsung lemes, memberhentikan pencarian Prima, mematung di tengah jalan*
prima: loh emang lo lagi di BlokM Plaza?
gw: iya Prim! BP yang deket kampus gue ya cuma BlokM Plaza!
prima: BP yang deket rumah gw ya cuma Bintaro Plaza!

hmptfh

jadi kesimpulannya, kita sama sama di BP, cumaaaaa, gw di BP yang deket kemang, nah si Prima di BP yang deket Pondok Aren.

daaaaannn juga, kesimpulannya, perjalanan gue sia sia karena buang buang 15.000 buat ongkos, mana pake berantem pula sama si tukang kendaraan-suka-buang-gas. Prim, laen kali kalo kita ngajakin orang ketemuan di BP, jangan disingkat yaa, tegesin aja BP nya BP bintaro apa blok m.

WUAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

setelah dipikir pikir, gue kok odong banget ya saat itu?? harusnya gue udah mulai nyadar pas prima sms suru ketemuan di Cahaya, karena di BlokM Plaza gak ada cahaya, adanya Matahari--sempet mikir, emang di BP ada cahaya? matahari kali? apa matahari udah ganti jadi cahaya? apa cahaya matahari? ha?--dan harusnya gue juga nyadar, ruma prima ke blok m kan gak sedeket itu. ditambah lagi perjalanan gue yang panjang abis, makan waktu dan ongkos *kemang-blokM aja panjang banget berasa kaya kemang-kemanggisan; yang harusnya 10.000 jadi 15.000. kalo bukan demi Prima yang gue pikir telah menanti di tempat yang sama, gw gak bakalan rela* dan harusnya lagi, most important of all, gue nanya sama si prima *ato elo prim nanya ama gue* BP nya BP mana

haaaaaahhhh odong. hahahahaaa....

jadi pesen gue untuk kali ini cuma satu, siapapun yang mau ketemuan di BP, TANYA, BP mana, bintaro apa blok M. salah salah malah ada BP Tragedy 2, mengulang kejadian gw si calon direktur sama si calon psikolog Prima. hahahahaaaa... Prim. kita saking pinternya jadi odong begitu ya prim. huaahahahaaa

kompilasi tingkah bocah stres

hmm..
kalo gue pernah ngepost tentang tingkah orang stres, sekarang giliran gue ceritain tentang bocah stres kayaaaa......

1. Hasbi Al Ihya
who is Hasbi Al Ihya? He is a pretty chubby kid, whose father is my uncle. in short, he is my cousin. call him just in the nick: Abi.

gw pernah dilakukan dengan sangat amat tidak layak oleh sepupuku yang embul itu. i dare you for this, betcha never ever be done the way i was with a one a half (or two?--damn i forgot how old he is) years old boy.

bayangin, suatu ketika, gue tidur sangat larut malam. chatting, watching dvds, or even reading a book, or whatever i like to do that i was awaken till late at night. and then in the morning, when i wish i had more and more time to stay on bed, my little cousin, banging so hard on my door and then out of the blue he came in, and shouted out: 'KAKAAA FANNNEEEEEEE BANGUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN'

and i was like,
'aduuhhh abi, kakak masih mau tidur lagi, biiiiii....'

'UDAH PAGI TAU KAAAAKK!!!!'

'tapi kakak masi ngantuk abi sayaaaaanggg'

'AAAHHH KAKA FANEEEE'

abis itu dia diem. gue kira dia bakal nyerah bangunin gw, ngebiarin gw lanjut tidur dengan damai dan tenang. gw kira dia bakal keluar dari kamar gw. ternyata harapan gw gak terkabul.

entah dia dapet ide darimana, tapi sumpah, ide ini sangat amat tidak baik untuk ditiru.

tiba tiba, Abi, yang telah beberapa menit berdiem diri di kamar gw, MENDUDUKI MUKA GUE DENGAN 'ISI' CELANANYA YANG PENUH
i repeat if you dont mind, HE SAT ON MY FACE, ON MY FACE, DENGAN 'ISI' CELANANYA YANG PENUH, 'ISI' CELANANYA YANG PENUH.

gue yang lagi setengah tidur tiba tiba....
bau apa nih?
YA ALLAH!

'ABIIIIII BAAAAAUUUUUU!!!!!!!!'

and my cousin was like laughing and laughing and laughing out loud, like he is innocent, like he never sat on his sister's face with an annoying, so much annoying smell that woken up his sleeping sister.

'ABI EEK YA?!'

'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA'

'TANTE CHEVIIIII ABI EEK NIH!'

my auntie from the first floor, 'bawa sini abi-nya fan'


terus setelah gw cuci muka, bener bener cuci muka dengan busa yang banyak, gw cerita, ngadu ke bokap nyokap si abi. and my uncle and auntie was like, 'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAA'

'iiih si om mah! malah ngetawain sik'

tante chevi: itu tandanya abi lagi eek fan kalo tiba tiba dia diem
gw: yaa tapi gak mesti duduk di muka fany kan? emang jamban??!
tante dan om ading: HAHAHAHAHAAA
tante: makanya kalo udah di bangunin abi ya bangun, ini malah molor lagi
gw: besok besok kalo ada abi fany kunci kamar. biar gak dibangunin lagi.
tante: emang enak! hahahaaaa


Hasbi Al Ihya alias Abi yang tega menduduki muka kakaknya. huh


yang tua itu tuh, kumisan, ubanan, itu adalah bokap gue tersayang, biar kata serem, galak, tapi baik. hahahaa. yang digendong itu mamas ufi, alias Luthfi, adeknya si Abi. yang gembul itu Abi, nah, yang gayanya sok cool itu adek gue, Ramadhan..


2. sepasang kakak adik
sepasang kakak adik can be anyone--yea, i know. tapi ini beda. gw gak tau siapa namanya.

gw ketemu mereka pas gw lagi sholat Ied di lapangan parkir kantor bokap gw, BNI Sudirman. Nah, pas gw dateng, pagi pagi, gw langsung ketemu sepasang kakak adik, cewek, yang centilnya naujubilah. nah ceritanya, abis sholat Ied, pas lagi ceramah, itu kakak adek--yang kira kira bedanya cuma setaun--muter muter di tiang bendera layaknya film india.

muter muter, lari lari, tebar pesona sama orang orang, ketawa ketiwi--aaah, indahnya masa kanak kanak...

sampai pada ahirnya, pas si kakak lagi muter muter tiang bendera, tiba tiba DUG! dia kejedot tiang bendera.

'mamaaa mamaaaaaaa' katanya sambil megangin jidatnya. si adek yang chubby, pipinya merah-merah dan genit, masih ngekor si kakak di belakangnya. si kakak ngadu ke mama-nya. lalu entah kenapa, si adek yang lucu dan genit dengan jepit pink gede di kanan-kiri kepalanya, balik lagi ke tiang bendera.

my eyes kept on her. i was thinkin about something else that a kid would do but-HEY! WHAT THE---

si adek ngejedotin kepalanya sendiri ke tiang bendera!

what the--

...

maksudnya apa sih?

lalu si adek lari ke mama-nya sambil pegang pegang jidatnya.

aaaahh bocah dasar!


*got any reason why the hell si adek ngejedotin kepalanya sendiri?*


3. a friend of mine
yea, gw menceritakan masa kecil seorang teman yang pernah menceritakan masa kecilnya yang... ummh... well, name it then, after you read this.

demi menjaga keamanan dan kenyamanan hubungan kami, agar rahasianya tetap terjaga, maka sebut saja dia oknumG. *hahahaaaa*

berdasarkan ceritanya,
dulu, waktu dia ngikut emaknya jemput kakaknya, dia diem di mobil. await for his mommy and sister to arrive. but in fact, waiting in a car, alone, seemed boring to him. finally he went outside the car. he was about 6 years old--perhaps.

he found an interesting toy called 'the public telephone'. yup, telfon umum. pertanyaannya adalah, apa yang dilakukan bocah berumur 6 taun, ingusan, sendirian, dengan sebuah telfon umum?

naah, he didnt got a coin, and even if he did, whom would he call?

nyatanya dia malah masukin jarinya ke slot receh, dengan harapan ada duit yang tertinggal. and then guess what, i dont know what was wrong, but he couldnt get his finger back outside! jarinya gak bisa dikeluarin!

hahahahahaaaa, mungkin jarinya disantap oleh monster telfon umum. hahahaaa

and then he shouted out MAMAAAAAAAAAA......

ujung ujungnya, jarinya diselametin berkat tukang taxi, jarinya gak jadi disantap monster telfon umum. plus diketawain mamanya pula. hahahaa

makanya dek, kalo mau jajan minta aja mama, jangan nyari receh di slot telfon umum.
dasar autis :p