tomorrow.

..

Oh I love you.
For every sentimental reason.

Your laugh. Your smile. Your cares. Your eyes. Your lips. Your warmth.

Even when you're angry, I would still love you.

I love you enough to let you go.

I wouldn't have enough guts to make you stay for nothing with me.
It would cause me tears but I'm used to cry alone at night.
It would cause my heart so much ache but it'll eventually be cured seeing you laugh happily.

I love you. I do.

And it's enough to let you walk away.

Take good care, darling.
Thank you so much for the effort.
Forgive me.

Tomorrow, you'll be seeing me for the last time.

I love you, mas.

I really do.

Share a Little Share

Hi. Been a long while ya since the last time I posted a post. Kinda miss writing tho. Err, blogging, literally. And this time, I would like to share my newly-built career path.

Here it goes.

It all started when I was officially hired by an educational institution: Wall Street Institute -- which has already changed its name into Wall Street English -- as a Personal Tutor (PT). It is a school of English, and yes, as my job title was Personal Tutor, so I taught students starting from high school teens up to adults. I met unstable, moody kind of teens; charming uni student of Industrial Engineering (uuu~ I was so mesmerized by this person hehe); busy managers of well-known companies; one rempong housewife; and grandpas who always came with their grandchildren.

It was fun, and teaching was one of my favourite thing to do. Being a PT had marked one thing on my check list. I had a dream back then when I was so young, to be a teacher. I have been, then. It was a great one.

And talking about my PT fellas, there were Arien (married recently. When's mine? Duh), Ephil (who lived in Mexico for certain years and now works in Mexican Embassy), Oso (was -- or is still? hmm -- an artist of duo 'Duette'), Azis, Cenmi (whose full name is Cenmidtal, an abbreviation of Central Middlesex Hospital, a hospital in England where he was born), Dini (a cafe singer. Published her first indie album last year), and Tiffany (now still a PT for Alam Sutera branch). There were also ECs or Educational Consultants that I friends with, and of course the bule. Hehe.

Dean Rogers - Me - Tessa Frenche

Haifa - Arien - Me - David Rhys - Tanti - Azis on WSI Award Night

I was nominated as Favourite PT :'>

Great karaoke time together

Oso's birthday blast

After Christmas Celebration Night

Cos my job's got me goin nowhere so I aint got a thing to lose~

Take me to a place where I don't care

This is me and my liquor store blues~

Bruno Mars - Liquor Store Blues

Knowing that I had much fun there being a PT, but there was this goal that I pursued so much: be a banker. Yup, I was really longing  to be a banker. I resigned on February 2013, went to Yogya, visiting you-know-who for a month, got back to Bekasi on April and applied in Coca Cola Amatil Indonesia as Employee Settlement Officer, Finance Department.

There in CCAI was more serious than one I had in Wall Street Institute as my very first jumping stone. Both my director and manager were Australian bule, tho my supervisor was Indonesian. I was still urged to use English both when I talk directly or when I write emails to the bule. However, I found an interest in CCAI since I was paid big enough and its working culture was clicked to mine. Very free, yet still discipline. Everything was scored by performance. People there wouldn't mind how you dress or what make ups you're wearing. Or even what time would you get in the office and checked out as long as you have finished daily tasks. What they mind mostly was your highly accepted performance. That, I agreed.

CCAI has brought me to these people. Most of them are 2-3 years older than me and they shared mostly about their husband and other housewifery thingy. Just like my big sisters, that was what they meant to me.

Just  a moment to capture

Then I moved on from CCAI to where I work now. It's a bank, a government bank. Even -- frankly speaking -- CCAI changed the way I have always wanted to be a banker, but I had wanted it so much, and then I got the chance. That was when I joined BUMN Career Days, dropped cv reluctantly and attended the first interview held there, somehow brought me to what I am now. An ODP Batch 121 member who is undergoing my In Service Training as a Relationship Manager -- which I avoid so much!!! But I guess it's true that when you avoid something so much somehow you'll be dragged into that something you hate -- in SKC Melawai Raya.

Tell ya, being in ODP 121 family was is great. Ups and downs, laughter and cries, friends or lover, and everything all in. Can't describe much about this special thing, can only feel it with the heart. Heheh.

They're now spread out in Indonesia. One Padang, Batam, Jambi, Medan, Palembang, Lampung, ten people (including me) are in Jakarta, another one in Kupang, Samarinda, and Pare Pare. I'm sure we'll see again sooner than soon!

(hayooo... been waiting for the photos with your face in it yaaaa hahahaha :p)

Along with Pak Raswan, our homeroom

With Bu Selvy Monalisa, a lecturer in UI with her uniqueness

Grup Akar Wangi

Yogyakarta all-in-a-day trip goers

Mendadak shopping

Dim Sum freaks, haha

Thank you for your every effort to deal with all I am.

London Grammar - Strong

LONDON GRAMMAR - STRONG

(lyric video)

One Day, 
I'll be sitting on the front-left side of a car, looking at the city lights and everything goes on with it and everything that's on the road, through the window, while I listen to this song.

Neurons in my head are gonna take me back to some old memories, to some places where all things happened, at some points where I had been--I could never forget. They're gonna throw me back to that first meetings of me and him or me and him or me and him, and everything that came after it; all the sweetest things, all the sweetest nights; all the hurts, all the break-ups, and all the cries. They're also gonna put me back to where I was so damn down, to where I was at my lowest point when "we" was no longer existed.

The road, the lights, the cars, and the trees that I'm seeing through the car's window on that One Day, will show me those moments as if I'm watching live opera. Yes, a live opera. Starring: me. And him, and him, and him--in sequence. A live opera, audience: me. I'm gonna watch the opera until the song fades away.

And I'm gonna sigh at it, at first.

Yea I'm sure I'm gonna sigh of every memory playing over and over and over again.

But on that One Day, when I listen to this song while memories taking me back to some moments of my life, there's gonna be a chosen lucky man sitting next to me, on the right side of the car, driving. And I'm gonna smile at him.

I'm gonna smile at him, and at everything I've paid to get to him. He'll know how strong I have been, he'll know how loud I have spoken, and he'll understand how wrong I have been for having doubt that I might not be in love again after all the hurts.

I'm gonna be in love with him--and so is he. We'll pass the road together, we both will see moonlight underneath the dark sky, we will smile at every thing in our past, and perhaps we'll thank each of them who brought us to that One Day. And yes, we'll go to the same destination by the same road we choose.

On that One Day.


Till that One Day, I just gotta be strong.

Undies?

Okay. I left abandoned this blog for a little too long. Webs could be every inch on the wall, if this were a room. I get it now, that saying that as we step into another pace of life, nothing will ever stay the same. True. This blogging activity, for instance. If you notice.

It has been some times that I thought about writing posting again. Sometime I had it all in my mind--everything that I was going to write about. However, whenever I sat with my laptop on, everything I had in mind just... evaporated that easy.

Anyway, tryna post some thoughts again tonight. Let's see if I'll make it thru or not. Hmm... I'll probably start with this one.

A little clarify: I might be a muslimah who wears hijab but I'm still a free-spirited writer--umm, blogger.

I once read about a quote saying that whenever a girl wear the same undies colour--top and bottom--unintentionally, then she'll know that day is going to be her super fine day. So that day, I wore the same undies colour. I was thinking that day was gonna be bright or something but it was just the same ordinary day. The first time I realized I was wearing matching colour I was like "whoa they match! Yea baby, my day's gonna be so damn fine!" but at the end of the day, I realized nothing to be wow-ed about.

The only thing I fully understand about undies is that women really have to wear em every day in the most comfortable way. Hmm... if matching colour undies help women to elevate her comfort... hmm... probably that's what the saying tries to say. If women feel comfort with everything they wear, then the day will be just fine, no? I see the point.

Okay. Since by the time I'm writing typing this post I'm sick--been having a bad flu. Plus migraine. Now I feel like something's been pounding on my right head and I'm currently gasping for air by my mouth cos I can't breathe normally thru my nose--so I think this is it my post.

Ha-ha. First come-back post and I'm talking about undies. -_-

Bandung: Perfect Memory Scenes (Narrative)

This narration was made in order to join a blog (bandungunite.blogspot.com--which, I found out recently was deleted) with any post about Bandung. Yea, so I made this. But this has never been published before. Once again, this one is a naration. So here it is!

Gue bukan orang Bandung. Ke Bandung pun jarang, bisa dihitung dalam setahun dan mungkin bisa kurang dari 5 kali dalam setahun itu untuk gue mengunjungi Bandung. Gue ga punya siapa-siapa di Bandung. Well, not that I don't have acquaintance or friends in Bandung, but... you know what I mean.

Gue ga tau jalan - jalan apa di Bandung; tempat - tempat hangout apa aja selain yang udah pernah gue denger dan gue datengin sebelumnya. Bahkan gue lupa sekarang, kemana aja tempat yang udah pernah gue datengin. Dan gue pun selalu berasumsi kalau Bandung itu sama aja sama kota Metropolitan ini. Kota macet, kota ramai. Kota dimana orang orang berusaha mencari peluang dengan membuka tempat tempat hangout yang menurutnya punya diferensiasi produk atau jasa dan posisi tersendiri di benak konsumennya. Kota yang mungkin sebentar lagi mungkin bakal banyak gedung gedung pencakar langit seperti disini. Simply, it's not a city to escape for me.

Tapi entah kenapa, gue selalu penasaran ke Bandung. Menelusuri jalan jalan yang dulu pernah kita lewatin. Datang ke tempat tempat yang waktu itu pernah kita datengin. Atau dengan singkat, mengenang semua yang pernah kita lalui.

Masih gue inget jalan jalan yang kita lalui, walau gue lupa apa nama jalannya. Gue juga inget waktu kita tersasar di Bandung, karena kita sama sama bukan berasal dari sana. Waktu kita naik angkot, lalu turun, makan di warung makan lesehan khas Sunda, dan kita baru tersadar kalau kita ga tau ada dimana kita saat itu. Lalu Kamu, dengan ke-sok-tau-an Kamu, bilang kalau kita harus naik angkot yang lain, dan tanpa bertanya sama kang supir, kita naik, dan setelah beberapa saat perjalanan kita masih juga ga tau kita ada dimana.

Waktu sudah sore saat kita tersasar itu. Dan bukannya berusaha bertanya - tanya jalan untuk pulang, Kamu malah mengajak gue untuk berwisata kuliner. Surabi, mie kocok, cimol... sampai - sampai tanpa pikir panjang kita beli peuyeum dengan alasan buat oleh - oleh dari Bandung.

And when the sunshine finally faded away, Kamu baru sadar kalau kita harus segera pulang. And you finally lowered your pride, lalu bertanya sama orang orang tentang jalan dan cara kita pulang. Yup, akhirnya kita naik angkot yang benar dan tanpa tersasar lagi, kita pulang.

The next day, you picked me up from my friend's flat where I stayed for that two memorable days. I wouldn't want to feel that my right ankle was actually in pain since the previous day we had, as we walked and walked and walked through the road. Anyway. Our agenda that day was to go to Ciampelas. Kita berjalan - jalan seperti biasa saat disana. Berhenti hanya untuk makan, duduk dan beristirahat sambil terus mengobrol tentang apa saja. Kita menertawakan orang lain. Kita ngerjain SPG di salah satu toko dengan menyuruhnya mengambil ini itu lalu dengan santainya kita pergi dan tidak membeli apa - apa. Kita mencoba pernak - pernik tapi kita juga tidak membelinya. Hahaha, Kamu. Selalu membuat gue tersenyum simpul saat scene - scene tentang kita disana terulang lagi di benak gue.

Cuma satu yang pada saat itu berhasil gue bawa pulang dalam bentuk nyata. Beberapa hasil photo booth. Dan dari semua hasil itu, cuma ada satu dimana Kamu tersenyum manis. Sisanya, muka Kamu jelek semua...

Yup. Hanya beberapa lembar foto berukuran 2R sebagai hasil nyata kalau gue sudah pergi ke Bandung. Bahkan peuyeum yang saat itu kita beli pun tertinggal di kost-an temen gue. Hahaha. Ya, hanya foto dan kenangan.

Kamu. Dan kenangan kita beberapa tahun lalu. Di Bandung. Dan hanya di Bandung. Kadang gue berharap, suatu saat nanti ketika gue melintasi kota Bandung dengan mobil gue, gue akan bertemu sama Kamu. Lalu (mungkin) mengajak Kamu duduk di bangku sebelah kiri gue. Lalu gue (mungkin) mengajak Kamu melintasi lagi jalan - jalan yang dulu pernah kita lalui dengan angkot. And then let the memory finds us.

Diantara semua keramaian di kota itu, selalu ada harapan yang gue keluarkan. Kamu.

Bandung itu Kamu. Ya, Kamu.

When you see me like this (see me like this)

And when I see you like that (see you like that)

Then we see what we want to see—all comin back to me 

The flesh and the fantasies—all comin back to me

I can barely recall, but it's all comin back to me now

Meatloaf ft. Marion Raven – It’s All Comin Back to Me Now

narrative story by @fanyhervilita

*damn, berasa kemakan tulisan sendiri. hanya saja bukan di Bandung. Tapi Jogjakarta. Bersama si dia, si Kapten. Kaliurang, Condongcatur, Pogung, Bantul, Kota Gede~~~*