Imagining

You're only just a dreamboat, sailing in my head
You swim my secret oceans, of coral blue and red
Your smell is incense burning, your touch is silken yet
It reaches through my skin, and moving from within
It clutches at my breast
The Corrs - Only When I Sleep

Udara bagiku adalah imajinasi.
Pelarian diri.
Penyelamatan jiwa sendiri.
Biarkan aku bercinta dengan imajinasi.

Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
Keane - Somewhere Only We Know

Writing Is Blablablaa...

I love writing. I've been doing this activity ever since I was an Elementary School kid. I first started to like writing after I remake somebody's story--kind of a tale--with the same names, same characters, same place, but only different story. It happened when I was in the 3rd grade of school. From then on, I find myself comfort, very comfort indeed, when I'm writing.

Having the story finished successfully, I remember I asked my teacher to read that, and he said I was good at it, has made an enormous support for me to write again. I, then, continued writing a story about friendship (what else a 3rd grade kid could have besides friendship? and probably a little of puppy-love. well, seemed like Amigos X Siempre--a Mexican opera--had really got in to me). As far I can remember, the title was Petualangan 9 Sahabat, lol, pretty much like a kiddo, wasn't it?

Done the Petulangan 9 Sahabat, which I ask my friends too to read that (they said they liked it, it was a good story), I continued to like another kind of writings. Poem. I like poem. I made poem. Though not the best one, but I keep on writing poems. Actually, this writing stories and poems activity has already been in my blood. My cousin sister made great poems--the greatest poem indeed. When I was in Junior High, I made 2 books of poem. It was a very puppy-love poems as you could imagine, lol, and a little of too-early-heart-breaks. I had a fan back then. He was Poetra, a very friend of mine. He liked poem, and I guess he still does. Hahaha, can't help myself giggling about this. I'm blushing by now :p

I also still wrote stories. I called that as novels. But really, I DID make novels and some short stories that time. Mmh, let's see if I could recall my memories, "Haunted School" was my very first short stories I (tried to) make in English when I was 7th grade; and... and... umm... I forget the title but I remember clearly that I wrote another short story and it was obviously influenced by Harry Potter the movie; and some other writings I made (which I barely even remember the title, and oh, even I forget now where the hell I put all those writings).

The two most published novels by me was Teach Me how to Love--a love story novel I made when I was 9th grade, read by my school friends and some of them became a very fan of my novel. They said it was great, romantic, touchy, yet sad ending story. Not every story has a happy ending, do they? And the other most published novel was Panggil Aku Nessi (I'm not sure whether this the true title. If only I ever could remember very clearly about this). This was also read by me school mates and done when I was 11th grade.

Well well, that is how I'm so passionate about writing. I already started it since I was very young. I am still young by now, by the way, lol. And if you hit the very bottom of this blog, and also in my celotehkucingbetina.tumblr.com bio, you'll find "write in passion and have passion to write". That's gonna be my tagline, :D

I might not write everything in proper way--I write everything as I want it. I might not write articles, perhaps I wont write articles because I think writing articles need skill and I only skilled by my own thoughts. I might not write the best novels and short stories and publish them to the reputable publisher, however I would still love writing them. I might be so poor in English unlike everybody else, well I'm still a learner. I might not make a very beautiful poem, nevertheless, I'd try again. I might be so lame at arranging words and picking impolite words, but believe me, I tried. And back again, I write everything as I want it. It's my passion, I'll go with mine.

Then what about you? What's your passion? ;)

"In the end, menulis adalah menjawab kegelisahan. Melawan kekosongan. Sebuah petualangan ide, permainan konsep, penataan kata. -Raditya Dika

So after all I said and done
I know I'm not the only one
Life indeed can be fun
If you really want to
Des'ree - Life

The Lady and The Man

This is a conversation between a Lady and a Man.
The Lady was seeing at a loving couple who apparently has just step forward to a brighter loving future for themselves, say, to an engagement. They were her very friends.


Man: What? Aren't you supposed to be happy for them? What's that look for?

Lady: Yes, I'm happy. Really, I'm happy for them. It's just... I was just wondering. I was... feeling sad for myself--but really, I really am happy for them. Really. *gave a convincing smile*

Man: You? Sad? What for?

Lady: It's just... you know. I wonder when I'd be like them. I mean, I'm not whole now. I don't feel complete. I'm only a half. I've been looking all over to find that other damn half part of me, I've been looking that whole thing, the complete stuff but I failed.

Man: *nodded, gave an understanding, charming, and peaceful smile*

Lady: You know *sighed* I sometimes feeling bad about myself. Why can't I be like her? Staying in the arms of the one she loves and loves her back. Why am I not lucky? Why am I love being so independent but I'm rotten inside? I just... I... *shook head, sighing*

Man: You've been looking all over, you said?

Lady: *looked at his eyes, glazed*

Man: Well, have you been looking within me?

Lady: *drooled her eyes, surprised* Wha...?

Man: Said you've been looking all over, but you failed. Perhaps you haven't looked within me yet, have you?

Lady: *speechless, looked at his eyes* No way. I mean---

Man: Perhaps if you look within me you'll find it. Why don't you try?

Lady: *looked at his eyes, sighing, then looked at another side* I have actually, tried to look within you. But I... I didn't go any further. I was so afraid. I am afraid. Afraid that I'll be disappointed. Afraid that you wont be feeling the same way. And I'm afraid as hell that you said all the truth that I knew already, that all those sweet words you said was just a joke. You are only playing around me.

Man: Joke? *giggled* Darling, it wasn't. What's the joke?

Lady: It's---

Man: Let me put this through. Hunny, at first I might start it--OK I started it--as a joke. But time flew, I'm no longer joking. I---

Lady: You lied. Don't give me hopes. I'm tired of that.

Man: Hunny---

Lady: That word you just called me, hunny, is that even real? I mean, you're only joking, playing around. Right?

Man: I'm not. It's the way I want to call you. Hunny.

Lady: *shook head* And when you said that I was pretty in pink, wasn't it a joke?

Man: *giggled* Hunny, it wasn't. You were pretty in pink. You are pretty in pink--in blue, in red, in white, in purple, in orange... you're pretty! You always do!

Lady: Not again. Don't you dare start joking anymore.

Man: I'm not, hunny, I'm not. What else do you need to assure you?

Lady: That thing when you said you miss me, you must have joked. Right? *laughed*

Man: I didn't. I missed you. I miss you--even your tweets. I miss seeing your tweets on my timeline, for I then know what you're up to. I miss you and it was all true. I said I didn't prepare myself for my morning flight because of you--it was true. Hunny, it was all true.

Lady: Then why, why don't you just tell me? Tell me that it's all true, you're not joking, you're not playing around, you're being serious, and.. and.. and just tell me! Everything! Why?

Man: Same as you. I'm afraid you wont be feeling this way. Afraid that your I-miss-you tweets weren't made for me.

Lady: Take chances, wontcha! You can't hang a lady up after you said all the sweet words you might have on your mind--YOU CAN'T! What's the thrilled anyway, you're a man. Once a lady dump you, you'll find another bitch!

Man: It's never been that easy. I'm in to you, lady, I'm in to you.

Lady: *starred at his eyes*

Man: Now I'm taking chances. I need you. I'm not joking anymore. Would you search that damn half part you said, within me?

Lady: You're joking.

Man: *whined* I'm not. What would I do to assure you, my dear lady?

Lady: Jump out of the bridge.

Man: *laughed* It's silly. You know I wouldn't do that. I might be dead by jumping out of it and I wouldn't be able to see you again. I wanted to guide you, to guard you, to hold you in my arms like the way you wanted. I don't wanna jump and dead now. And I know you wouldn't like to see me dead, would ya?

Both: *giggled*

Man: I'm serious.

Both: *starred at each others eyes, smiled*

Man: *took the lady by the hand*

***** ***** *****

I am the man who will fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you've been dreaming of
We'll live forever, knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love
Peter Cetera - Glory of Love

....and the conclusion is: That Happens Only in My Imagination. In My Mind. My Trashy Romantic Mind.

Joker

Just then I googled some images with the keyword "I am happy with you" and then it came out some images about quotes, pictures of two loving couple, a quite inspiring yet galau-ing blog post of Krystle; and some other shit.

Pictures of two loving couple.

Ah, ya. It's been too long for me. I almost forgot what it feels like. For all these years I've been acting a little too much too uptight. I've been building a super wall, similar like a fortress, but then I couldn't help myself for breaking it down.

And that I think I'm too bored to be an independent lady.

I don't know but I think an independent lady needs a friend too.
Or a shoulder would be fit.
A hand would be alright.
And a soul mate would make her even perfect.

No one falls in love by choice, it's by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it's by work. No one falls out of love by chance, it's by choice.
-Krystle

This is about your jokes on me. That made it as the chance for me to like you; to be happy with you and your jokes. And knowing that it was all only a joke, well, it's my heart, it's not joking now whom I'm happy with.

It's you. The person I only knew for like couple days yet already you thrilled me with that damn sweet jokes. Damn Sweet Jokes.

I might took you for granted, at the very first time we knew each other. I'm so sorry. I really am.

Love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Because I spend my nights thinking about anything related to your true feelings for me...

A Notepad

#nowplaying Adele - Make You Feel My Love

You told me I was pretty in pink.
I don’t like pink.
But I’d love to wear pink again whenever we'd meet just to have my ears hear “lo cantik deh, pake pink” once again.

You told me you haven’t packed your bags yet because of me.
I haven’t close my eyes to sleep because of you.
Well, I’d stay awake to have a talk with you.

I know everything has its price.
I’d buy everything to have the night with you again.
I’d pay expensive—I’d pay more if that’s how I can get to you.

I like, I love every sweet words came out from you.
Though I knew already it wasn't real at all.
But I still like it. Love it.
Never been a man done something really sweet that I might be dying inside the sweetness.

I built a fortress all over my heart.
I tried to saved it from your sweet-killing words.
And somehow I failed.

It was a very short time, but you did me right.
You got me into your gravity.
And I started to feel comfort in your gravity.
Until you said you're joking.
You're ONLY joking.


Don’t play games with me, kiddo.

I like your jokes, you might take it as something fun, but I unfortunately fall for it, happy with it, and take it seriously.

And maybe you might wanna know, that I don't care, I really don't care.
I'd stay awake till the morn.
I'd pay everything.
I don't care about the ending which I already knew.

But I don't care.
I just wanna be happy.
I'm happy with you.
And I just wanna be happy with you.

I am happy with you.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love